Nomenclature:

Also called rose haw or rose hep, rose hips are the accessory fruit of the Dog Rose.

Hips of a girl are one of the basic structural components of

the body of the average female homo sapien. Also called “a dog,” “big nose,” or sometimes the

kinder, “not the prettiest girl but a real sweetheart.”

Habitat:

Grows wild throughout Europe in hedgerows, woods and scrublands. The shrub does well in

rich soil but can tolerate poorer.

Can start life unplanned in Minnesota, the result of mother going

off birth control when the young marriage was in trouble, followed by a brief reconciliation before

finding out about his affair with the neighbor. Results in contact between mother-in-laws back in

Pennsylvania, “Have him sign the divorce papers or he’ll end up paying child support until she’s

all the way through college.” Transplanted, hips of a girl perform well in the strict confines of

Catholic school and while squatting and digging in the rich cool soil of her grandfather’s garden.

Later, hips and other areas may develop skin blights if moved into a trailer park with mother’s

new husband, a possible result of stress and poor water quality. 

Appearance:

Grows to approximately six feet tall with strong downward curving branches, leaves with

serrated edges, and stout thorns. Flowers bloom in the summer months, white or pale pink, with

a sweet scent.

Grows to taller than everyone on her mother’s side, and blonder

as well. The waist-length blond hair of childhood is only washed once a week in the kitchen sink,

pigtails on the greasy days in between. Instructed by pediatrician, after being asked about her

favorite food, to “maybe lay off the second portions of those mashed potatoes.” Sings in church

and school choirs, allows herself to be loud. Strong alto voice is the first thing she learns to like

about herself, much earlier than learning to like the curve of her hips. 

Uses:

Rose hips can be made into tea, syrups, jam, wine, mead, or even fruit brandy. High in vitamin

C, rose hip syrup has been used to treat coughs and colds in rural areas for centuries. 

Can be molded into a devout Catholic with a clinically concerning

martyr complex that leaves her predisposed to feeling like a selfish horrible person whenever

expressing a want or desire that is incongruous with that of others. Can be made into an acutely

empathetic soul that wants to ease the pain of the world but has little natural protection against

vicarious trauma. When properly combined with the logical arguments of atheism and cognitive

behavioral therapy, can be successfully stripped of decades of guilt. The resulting brew is purer

and more potent.

The anti-inflammatory qualities of rose hips have been explored in recent clinical trials, with

preliminary results finding that rose hip supplements can possibly reduce the need for traditional

pain relief medications in patients with osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis.

When young, cultivated tight hips and carefully crossed thighs lead to

side effects of shame and hesitancy. The hips relax and respond well to remedies such as sex,

childbirth, yoga, self-care, and more sex. Some hip discomfort occurs from side-sleeping,

wrapped with the body of a partner, but the benefits far outweigh the ache.

Rose hip tea can also be used as a homeopathic treatment for low energy and to rid the body of

toxins.

When hips feel useless, perhaps with their best years behind

them, they can experience trouble getting out of bed. But they do get up, greet a new day, and

do sun salutations. They open, they close, they rest, and sometimes, despite the passing dark

clouds and all the odds stacked against them, they bloom again.